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Girly Bars, Cheap Phones and Thai Wives: A Recipe for Disaster

I count myself as part a minority: I do not carry around an expensive Android phone, instead use the cheapest one I can find and leave the sophisticated computing equipment at home.

Cheap Samsung Phone

My current phone was purchased for 595 THB (£12/$18) from a booth outside Tesco-Lotus. It does what a phone is meant to, receive and make phone calls and texts, and nothing else. If it is lost then no big deal. So far so good. However, there is an unexpected downside to having a cheap phone: they do not always function as they are meant to, and they do so at the most inconvenient times.

Girly Bar

It All Started Innocently Enough

My night out with a friend had started innocently enough. I went with him into a nearby town early evening to help him pick up supplies for his business, after which he bought me steak and chips for dinner accommpanied by a couple of bottles of beer. On finishing our dinner we decided to take the opportunity to go for another drink. It wasn’t late and our respective girlfriends and wives would only be moderately upset at our (then) slightly delayed return.

Now, Dear Reader, you have probably guessed where this is going and you would be right: straight to the local ‘Girly Bars’. Boys will be boys.

Then We Got Drunk

To be fair. We did not really misbehave on our night out. We got drunk for sure. We talked to girls. We got home at around 01.00. I was expecting my Thai wife to be a bit angry, but in fact she was absolutely furious to the extent that the punishment most certainly did not fit the crime. After all, our story that we had run into some friends and stayed longer than expected sounds at least plausible. However, what we were not counting on is being caught out by cheap Korean phone technology.

Caught Out By A Call from a Shapely Behind

Turns out my wife had called at the exact same moment as one of the girls in the bar had come over and sat on my lap. The phone was in my front pocket at the time and the shapely behind of the girl in question had connected my wife, who was then treated to 30 minutes of lewd conversation between myself, my friend, and 2 particularly lewd bar girls on a working holiday from their regular stomping ground of Pattaya’s Walking Street (‘smut central’, for those of you unfamiliar with this modern day Sodom and Gomorrah).

Generally in Thai society there are only 2 classes of females: good ones and bad ones. You are either a whore or a plain Jane housewife. No in between. No shades of grey. One of the consequences of this ‘world view’ is that women who view themselves as good girls really despise the bad ones with a passion. Hearing her husband talking flirtatiously with a couple of hooker really sent my wife over the edge. The first thing she did when her telephone call to me ended, on account of the saucy hooker re-positioning her shapely rear, was to phone my drinking buddy’s girlfriend (not Thai) and tell her what we were up to. He got it in the neck as well when he got home.

Not Doing That Again

There is a moral to this story: If you are going out ‘on the town’ in Thailand leave not only your expensive phone at home, because it will get nicked, but also your cheap phone, because you never know who is listening in.

Next read about How to buy bus, boat and train tickets in Thailand in advance